|
| Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief.
Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now.
You are not obliged to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
- From the Talmud | | |
| Lord,
It's been a hard
year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing,
more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you
here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character
Less like a prison,
more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you
here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
Just a little while
ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come
And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you're
here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands
the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like
Character | | |
| I walked home from work tonight in a disappointed daze, mulling over a bit of bittersweet info that I was made aware of while there. I decided that I needed some endorphin-inducing exercise, so after arriving home I threw on some athletic shorts and a jacket. Setting off at a brisk pace, inhaling the cool night air, I resolutely headed for the nearest ATM to deposit some checks. For some reason it is against my nature to just wander with no purpose so I was of course, productive with my walking. When I arrived at the kiosk the machine had the equipment to accept my checks but not the option to deposit. With renewed frustration I exited the building, figuring I’d head back home, when, for some reason I thought of a certain chapel not to far from where I was. As yearning thoughts of quiet solitude and prayer sprang into my mind, I did an about-face and started off in that direction. Along the way I stopped at my church, hoping their doors would be open and I could just be in the sanctuary, but no such luck. So, I proceeded to the originally intended chapel destination, and to my surprised remembrance cam upon another branch of my bank on a thriving college campus nearby that did, indeed, have an ATM that did accept my checks. This lifted the mild weight of worry that it wasn’t wise to be wandering around with signed checks at 10:30 on a Saturday night in that area. Now I was fully focused on finding a place of stillness and silence. I arrived at the exquisite chapel knowing full well that it would not be unlocked but made a circle around it, checking every door even as I read the hours that indicated its closure. I thought I’d settle for sitting on some of the steps but they were all emblazoned with blatantly bright light, in which I did not want to be. I did see some ill-lit steps leading to a basement or something but I didn’t want to be charged with contemplation of breaking and entering so I decided to sit in a more shadowy part of the sidewalk next to the chapel. I sat uncomfortably for a moment, gazing up at the gothic structure, deciding that there must be some where better to perch. I turned and looked at the trees lining the walkway, supposed their low-slung branches would be perfect for resting in and climbed up. As I nestled into its reclining branches, the architecture of this stately, old place of worship caught my attention. I noticed that every line of the windows and walls was arched, designed to mover the eye upward ‘til the highest point of the steeple tapered off to non-existence, leaving one staring Heavenward. I pondered the beauty of this intention and began to sing softly to myself, recall bible verses, and pray. It was a lovely time but my concentration on these meditations was often interrupted by my awareness of those random passers-by heading to and from dorms and such. I was annoyed with myself to realize that I was not completely just being free spirited and alone in a tree but that I was worried what others thought of me. I caught myself, straining to hear bits of conversation, expecting to hear sarcastic comments and giggles in my direction, and casting furtive glances as they drew near or grew farther away. Somewhat to my surprise, no one really cared. Because I understand the world in metaphors, this experience began to shape in to an analogy, as I questioned why I was so mindful of the opinions of strangers. I compared it to the self-consciousness that everyone experiences but that I was ashamed to admit permeated even to my faith. More and more I grow in comfort and depth in my relationship with Jesus but in dealing with the world around me, I am often awkward and ungraceful with that which I believe is the simple, loving Truth of life. In Psalm 46, the Lord calls us to “Be still and know that I AM God.” There are very few moments when I am truly still and not scrambling to do and be and achieve so many things. I took that moment of realization as a metaphorical test of dedication to God as the focal point of my life. I resolved to stare up at the steeple and not move my gaze to check the people who came around me. I breathed deeply, and relaxed as I saw pedestrians in my periphery but didn’t dislocate my focus. It felt good to hear the buzz and bustle of traffic and students but feel a growing sense of calm and rest. I was caught in those sounds or movements a couple of times though, and was disappointed in my lack of ability to maintain focus. Thankfully those arched facets of the façade of the chapel soothingly reminded me that God gracefully, lovingly pulls me back unto Himself even when I stray, and so I was able to return to my formerly strong focus. The time was all that it needed to be and as the breeze turned colder, I started off towards home. I got two yards or so when I plopped myself down on a bench and took another look up from a different perspective. Now I met the gaze of people walking by, and smiled with the confidence that I was at peace, even if I was a bummmy-looking weirdo sitting there with no apparent purpose. After a few minutes I set off for home, still keeping pace with the pulsing urban/collegiate vibe, weaving in and out of traffic but inside myself I was sauntering down a quiet country road, feeling the warmth of the sun and smiling.
| | |
|
To have knowledge of
means to have responsibility to
means to have care for.
Go.
| | |
| It's funny how so many secular songs about lovers can be easily comparable to Christian songs that are singing about a relationship with God. I was listening to the Celine Dion song To Love You More the other day I was struck by how many of the lyrics sounded like God singing to His people, His children. Granted some of the lyrics have to do with trying to win back a lover whom there was drama with but isn't that even comprable to our sinful selves turning away from the One who died to give us life? Selected excerpts below are what resounded with me, thinking about the character of Christ and how He is calling out that He is the one and only that can and does truly love us as we were created to be loved.
...I'm the one who'll stay
When [they] walk away.
[Don't] you know I'll be standing here still?
I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more.
You will see I can give you
Everything you need;
Let me be the one to love you more.
...And some way all the love that we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we'll find a way
Believe in Me, I will make you see all the things that your heart needs to know.
I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart;
I'm the one who wants to love you more.
You will see I can give you
Everything you need;
Let me be the One to love you more.
This is my prayer for myself and for you; that we'd know in a very real way how deep the Father's love for us truly is. May we seek You, Lord with every breath we breathe. Above all else may we climb back into Your lap, hear Your heartbeat, look into Your eyes...and know that we are completely and unconditionally Loved. | | |
|
